This lady is a revelation. She is amazing, not because of her appearance, but because of the state of mind I was in when I drew her. In my mind, I often separate this part of my life (drawing the body) from the rest of my life, but today it was not possible. My life and emotions and fears seemed very powerful. I even dreamt about my problems, after doing much work to see beyond them. I was really worried. There must be an answer…. some clarity somewhere… something I must need to see and hear. I tried to write, to find some solace through words; actually, I have been doing that since Friday (and for years before Friday). My emotions have been forgotten often this weekend, but they reappear with vengance later.
So, I tried to draw and that was a microcosm of my life – couldn’t find the right thing to draw – couldn’t draw the woman I wanted to draw, because I am severly lacking all I need to draw successfully. I am not sure how (divine intervention, grace, perhaps), I started to draw another woman in the same picture. She became a focal point. Everything disappeared in the lines, the shadows, the erasing. No judgements, no fears, no lack of skill to stop me, no mind to stop me, I got lost in time and it was peaceful, finally. I am not sure if there are answers to find or not, but certainly no opening is possible when trapped within the throes of the mind.
The light, the shadows, the steady flow of the line can overcome the constant chatter of the mind. Sometimes it takes divine intervention to let go of the bleak background the mind creates. If it is limiting you know it is the mind; if it is limitless you know it is the heart.
In the practice of drawing, a space opens. This much I know (and for me to admit to knowing something, it has to be strong). I am grateful for this. I want to let you know, it is still a struggle for me to accept this, but it is the truth. So in offering my experiences to you, I hope you can find the tools you need to open a space. A space free from the mind. I repeat – I am not an artist but a seeker, and in seeking truth and connection, I found drawing. I found a teacher of drawing, who could see beyond the judgements and criteria of drawing. Someone who taught me so much more than drawing. Yet all I learn is reflected in the practice of drawing.